


Withholding

by RednReady



Category: The Blacklist (TV)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-19
Updated: 2017-12-19
Packaged: 2019-02-17 01:07:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13065960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RednReady/pseuds/RednReady
Summary: Flashes in the aftermath of 5x8





	Withholding

Aram came out to tell him. Traumatic brain injury. She was critical, but alive. Red sent him and Samar to check on Agnes.

He waited until things were quiet. Until there was no one else hovering around the edges.

Until Cooper went down to the morgue to identify Tom's body.

Dembe stood guard outside the room. He held her hand in silence.

 

* * *

 

"Raymond." He twisted the handle. Still locked. "Raymond, you have visitors." No answer.

Dembe turned to face two very impatient FBI agents.

"I'm sorry, he hasn't been feeling well."

Ressler pushed forward. "We don't have time for this." He pounded. "Reddington, open the door or I'll kick it down." No answer.

 

* * *

 

Dembe made occasional efforts, but Reddington repelled them all. He avoided Agnes. He drank. He isolated himself. He didn't sleep. He pursued the attackers like a single-minded bloodhound. It was the topic of hushed conversation.

"He's punishing himself."

"It wasn't his fault."

"Someone after him killed Tom and almost killed Liz. Of course he blames himself."

 

* * *

 

Agnes went through another bout of teething. The poor child. Another child left without a mother. Without a father. In seeking to prevent this very thing, Kate had brought it to pass.

In that moment, Red hated her. Hated everything that had brought them to this moment. Everything that had harmed that little girl.

He had harmed her. His existence.

When she began fussing, it was Dembe who went to her.

 

* * *

 

It was three am. Three weeks since he'd arrived too late to find Elizabeth lying in a pool of her own blood.

He stumbled sleepily back from the bathroom. Cries coming from the nursery met his ears. He considered ignoring them. Surely someone else would come. But he couldn't stand to let her suffer.

He slowly pushed open the nursery door. After a few moments he padded to the crib. Agnes paused her crying to study the strange figure who'd disturbed her rant and now hovered over her. Her little face, scrunched up and unhappy.

"I'm sorry." He fought back tears and gave her his finger. She tried to bite down on it, so he dug for and handed her the teething ring that had gotten lost in the blanket. She quieted down and looked at him curiously, tear tracks still on her cheeks. It should be her mother wiping away those tears. It should be her mother who read to her and rocked her to sleep and comforted her in the night. But her mother couldn't come. She might never come.

It struck him then. How alone she was. How alone they both were. How cruel he had been for withholding himself from her. She deserved all the love he had to give, not his guilt-ridden distance. 

"I'm so sorry." She whimpered and reached for him. He scooped her up and held her close. He whispered into her wispy hair as he rocked her gently.

"I'll never leave you alone again."

 


End file.
